Currently, my circles are for people who have vulvas currently or who had vulvas. This is not a statement about gender but addressing the need for an affinity space, given the current reality that we live in a world dictated by and set up for those with a penis, the way it functions, and its visibility. This happens to the point that most of us with vulvas grow up thinking there’s something wrong with us because we’ve never learned how our bodies operate differently in time and space from those with penises. This can look like the belief and shame around some version of “it takes me too long to come,” or “penetration hurts.”

Those of us socialized as women and assigned female at birth are taught in both subtle and overt ways to pander, abdicate to, and perform for those with penises. And this happens before we are even consciously aware of it. I’m not saying this is how it should be or that it’s the fault of any individual. I am saying that for now, my circles need this delineation and boundary.

Yes. Our pronouns and gender will be both seen and respected. We will be introducing ourselves with our names and pronouns.

Those unfamiliar with pronouns other than she/her/hers and he/him/his are expected to educate themselves before the retreat.

While this isn’t the space to begin learning about pronouns and gender, it’s also not a rigid space of perfectionism. We are all learning and this is a learning space.

Yes. You are welcome here with whatever pleasure anatomy you have.

If you are post-op bottom surgery, I may not be the best facilitator for you, because I have a vulva, but should you want to participate with me, you are welcome in this space to discover and enjoy your anatomy.

If you are a trans woman with a vulva, you are welcome here. I may not be the best person to help you discover your new anatomy by virtue that I have been walking around with a vulva for over 46 years, so I don’t know what it’s like to recently come into having one.

But you are welcome here in this space to enjoy your body and pleasure anatomy.

I see you. And you are beautiful and fabulous. I respect you. And I love you.

And the short answer is, no.

This is not for any other reason than our current reality is that society caters to people with penises. If someone born with a penis is in the room, we have found that everyone begins acting differently and even performing for them. Some even get shut down and cannot participate in the Bodysex rituals. I’m not saying that this is right, but I am saying that this is how it is.

My hope is that this will change in my lifetime, and that we will be able to witness our collective shift away from harmful binary delineations and systems. For me and my sphere of influence, this means working with people who have or had vulvas.

If you would like a referral to another practitioner, I’m happy to provide this to you. Please let me know.

The expectation for people participating in my circles is to have some working knowledge and familiarity with non-binary people and accurate pronoun usage.

This is not the space to enter into with no practice or familiarity with pronoun use and understanding about gender fluidity. Doing so, renders those of us who are other than cis-identifying people invisible. And invisibility is counter to the entire point of this workshop.

The expectation is that you will have a working knowledge of pronoun use and that you see humans as more than just either female or male.

If you have questions about whether this space is appropriate for you, please contact me so we can talk about it.

The short answer is no. I myself am not a cis woman and this is a non-binary space that holds the beliefs and principles that there are many different gender expressions.

While I can respect the need for cis women to have their own space, my circles are not that.

I’m happy to refer you to practitioners who will be better suited for your needs. Please let me know.

Yes, Betty led two of them and reported they both left her practically bedridden for a week because it was exhausting trying to coax cis men to participate in genital show and tell, and, she also loved doing them because the cis men in her groups could handle very direct speech and she very much enjoyed working with cis men.

Speaking from my (Forest’s) viewpoint, I would say that Bodysex for cis men would be amazing to have out in the world, but that I, someone socialized as female and walking around with a vulva am not the best person to be bringing that work out into the world. It’s not my sphere of influence.

If you are someone who doesn’t think gender and the way we present in the world are a big deal, then my best guess (without having met you) is that you benefit from cis privilege. This means in part, that you are not harmed by being referred to as “she” or “he” and that you are probably comfortable thinking of yourself as either a “man” or a “woman,” and that if you think of yourself as a man you probably have a penis, and if you think about yourself as a woman you probably have a vulva. This may be as far as you have ever had to think about this topic. Another guess is that you have not had to navigate a space where you feel invisible at best, or worse, excluded, ridiculed, assaulted, or banished simply for how you present and who you are in the world.

If this is your viewpoint this is not the space for you. This is also not the space for you to come and learn about these things.

I know many other fabulous Bodysex facilitators who mainly operate in the cis world and I’m happy to refer you to them. Please let me know if you’d like a referral.

I love simplicity as much as the next guy. Fortunately and unfortunately, being human on this planet at this time, is by its nature very complex. And one of our current reality complexities is that each of us are naturally multifaceted, effulgent, intricate creatures crammed into a current binary and black-and-white-thinking system. Black-and-white thinking is itself a behavior created by trauma, and by me simply offering a space where we can step into a different way of thinking and being around gender, is me doing my part to shift and heal this.

Beginning with a gender conversation is an effort to ensure that participants in my Bodysex retreats can show up in their fullness, outside of this one aspect of our binary system. And that we have a protected space that centers our well-being so that we can do the vulnerable Bodysex rituals. Given who I am, and the mold that my pleasure anatomy is in, I am creating this space to the best of my own ability in the sphere of influence that I occupy. This is not the right way; it is one of many right and appropriate possibilities.

If you get the sense that this is not a space either for you, or one that you can feel comfortable in, please let me know and I’ll refer you to other Bodysex practitioners.

The short answer is yes, everyone is naked.

For the workshops we are all naked and sitting in a circle. This means that we are all equal in the space and vulnerable.